Dreams are weird

Aren’t dreams amazing? The past week I’ve had a dream every night. REM sleep is simply awesome! Though I never completely remember them, they’ve been weird. Take this one I had last night for example. I dreamt my car was a Transformer (crazy right?) The night before that I had a dream I noticed this beautiful girl almost everywhere I went. She would always seem to be at the same exact place as me at the same exact time. I tried everything to get her to notice me. Eventually I walked up to her and attempted to have a conversation. No matter how I approached her she never acknowledged my presence. Nice dreams, right? Weird thing is, that’s how I basically feel. I’m never noticed. I’m always friend material and never boyfriend material…such is life.

Then you get the people who tell you your dreams mean something and try to interpret them…yea, I’m not really a believer in that voodoo.

I did some thinking this past week –not really anything heavy, just pondering “Where do singles meet?” Like where would a single guy go to meet a single girl? People tell me all the time you can meet anywhere. Yeah, whatever…that’s basically a cop out answer. No single girls go to my church. If they do, they’re way older. No singles girls work where I work. Again, I work with mostly males and if there are any singles girls, they don’t work in the section I work in and I never meet them. I also live in a very small town where the population is much older than me. The nearest big cities are roughly 50 minutes away from me in every direction. With all of that, it makes it very hard to meet anyone. Plus, I’m not going to be one of those dudes who goes up to a random girl and asks her out...I just seems creepy to me.

That brings me to online dating. To me, it’s nothing but a joke. The site founders have no interest but to make money, loading the site with multiple fake profiles and matches that a far from what you’re looking for. Speaking from experience, I’ve tried it and it was nothing but depressing. #singlelife

Christian Mingle, POF, Match, eHarmony…you name it, I’ve tried and have had zero success.

“Get out more,” people tell me. And do what? I’m not going to a bar to meet someone, no thank you very much.

I suppose that I am just going to have to trust God on this situation. I wasn’t blessed to be a part of the 6 foot tall family. The simple fact is women don’t like short guys, and I’m a short guy. I’m rejected on something I have no control over. Does it hurt? Yes. Especially when you’re told it to your face. I’m thankful for the candor, but it still stings a little. Though I am pretty much numb to it now. It’s routine for me to be told that.

Still though, I will trust God. I know there’s a girl out there for me. I know she’ll be straight from God.

Lord I pray that You are preparing me to meet my future wife. I pray that You are preparing her to meet me. Lord, if there is anything in my heart that is not pure, I ask that you will cleanse me and make me white as snow. I want to me the man my future wife deserves. A God fearing man that will put You first, his family second, and this friends third. A man that will stand by his wife through good times and bad, because I know that with You by our side we will not fall. In the meantime, continue to bless protect my future wife. I speak wholeness and wellness over her. I speak blessings and favor over her. May she be the woman You’ve called her to be.

Early morning draft

So my brother bought me a new laptop the other day. My current one is a Sony Vaio that is going on 7 years old. It’s been through it all and shows. It’s what I like to call a “Frankenwire” computer. A few years ago the AC power onboard unit had broken. A wire had ended up being broken somehow. Spliced wires, some solder, liquid tape and hot glue later it was fixed…with about three inches of excess wire hanging from the side of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great laptop. It got me though my College years after all, but it’s really time to lay it to rest. Maybe I’ll use it for a print server or something….

Hashtag “blessed”

This past weekend has been super long. I’ve basically had zero time to myself or to remotely do anything productive. Luckily for me I finish up my schedule Monday morning (insert happy face.)    

I’ve always heard that how you dress is an expression of how you feel about yourself. Not sure if that is true or not. I love dressing up. Putting on a pair of slacks, a nice button up shirt and tie…but it is really limited where I am from. Pretty sure if I were to do that around where I live I would get some weird looks. Of course, on special occasions it’s perfectly acceptable.  I am more of a dress to be comfortable kind of person. I enjoy a comfortable pair of pants and a tee shirt.

I suppose the dressing up part goes along with the idea of being a modern day gentlemen. I remember back when I was dating this girl and we had an evening planned where we’d both dress up and do something out of the norm. Something like going to a play or show and dine at a more than casual restaurant. That of course never happened because we broke up soon after, however the plan and idea was still there…

Seeing men, husbands, boyfriends mistreat their wife or girlfriend strikes a nerve with me. No one should mistreat their wife or girlfriend. She’s a queen and you’re supposed to protect her and see that no harm should come to her. That’s where this day in age comes in. I feel as if some males today have lost touch with the gentlemen of the past.

Lord I pray right now that you will continue to correct me and guide me in the right direction to stay and be a true gentlemen.

Thinking back to when I was a kid, being a man meant being strong and not showing weakness. Being vulnerable meant being weak. Even to this day I still feel the effects of thinking that way. After a rough breakup I didn’t want to show weakness or physically show that I was vulnerable even though it was killing me inside. It was easily one of the worst times of my life. So much emotion inside, unanswered questions, confusion…it was hard, but with the grace of God, I got through it.  

Lord, be with me. Continue to form me and correct me to make me into the man my future wife needs. I pray that I will continue to listen and hear your voice guiding me on the right path. 

Weekend warrior

Last night was night my first time working/having the schedule 6pm to 6am. That continues through Monday morning. In a way it is kind of nice because you get a long break throughout the week, but yet they are super long days/nights.  I’m believe in Psalms 104:23 “a man goes to work in the morning and comes home in the evening.” I’m praying for steady day shift work.

Some perks to working 3 twelve hour weekend shifts at night:

·         It’s very quiet! Seriously. You ever heard the phrase “you could hear a pin drop?”

·         You could technically go to school if you wanted too and finish a degree.

·         Studying for certifications is a good way to pass the time.

·         It’s much, much slower than during weekdays.

·         updating your blog while on break.

Working in my field in addition to working through the weekend makes it hard to meet people. Not sure if it’s statically backed, but I would have to say that my field is predominantly male. Sure, I see females throughout the building, however they work in a different section. I see a lot more people during the day…

All negativity aside, I am thankful for a job and I am able to work.

Like I said, I’m standing on Psalms 104:23 and you all be in agreement with me J

I see so many happy couples…TV, Facebook, out in public and I think to myself “Why can’t I have that?” Am I really that unattractive that I am unapproachable? The enemy likes to play head games with me and I’ve let him beat me up for the longest time. “You’re not good enough”, “you’re not attractive enough,” “you’re not tall enough,” and I’ve believed it. Nothing but lies from the pits of hell and I’ve let those thoughts take root, so pray for me in that area, ‘cause I sure need it.

Lord I pray for my future wife and her thoughts. I pray that those negative thoughts –those lies, which the enemy tries to tell her do not take root. Give her a good weekend…and if she’s a weekend warrior like myself, then bless her. She’s a special lady, Lord. Continue to be with her every step of the way. Renew her mind. Heal any afflictions she may have. I pray good health over her. Pray blessings and prosperity over her. Be with her family too. Protect them all in Jesus name.

Amen.

New job. New start

Well, I got a new job. I'm still studying for the previous tests I've been studying for just doing both for the time being. I wont lie, this job was a blessing. It came at a point where I was about to give up. Cool thing about it is I'm working with some people I know. Honestly, I am very thankful that I was hired to do what I do; I cant thank the company nearly enough for giving me the opportunity to work for them.


Lord, thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for all that You are doing in my life and all that You will do. Thank You for Your unfailing love when I mess up. Lord, I pray that my future wife is listening to Your voice. Thank You for her life and the impact she has on others. I pray she draws near to You in all she does.

When I get married

Have you ever said "When I get married...?"

Going out to dinner or seeing couples in public I find myself making mental notes that start with that phrase. I've done it for both sides of the phrase. "When I get married, I will..." or "When I get married, I wont."

For example, Sometimes at work you may hear your coworkers talking about their spouse. Most of the time it's good, but occasionally it could be negative.

I cant help but think to myself "When I get married, I'll never do that or act that way or say that" Of course that's all the negative things I have experienced by watching couples behave. The way some husbands treat their wives is unfathomable.

Just a few examples:

When I get married, I won't....

• become fat and lazy.
• play video games like I did when I was a kid.
• become a workaholic.
• get in an over abundance of debt due to poor choices.
• be verbally or physically abusive. 

When I get married, I will

• be a good listener.
• encourage my wife to go after her dreams and reach her full potential.
• provide for my family.
• raise my children in a Godly household.
• let my wife know everyday how much I love her
• be a good, Godly father to my children.
• encourage my children to all they do.

The thought of marriage is exciting and I cant wait for the day I meet my future wife. I know God has one special lady out there for me that He is preparing. He is preparing me for her as well.

Thank you, Lord for my future wife. You are a mighty God and I know that You are preparing our paths to meet. Lord, I pray for discernment so I'll know it's her when we meet. Speak to the both of us in a loud audible voice so we'll both know. Thank you, Lord for all that You are doing in our lives.

Amen!

God answers prayers

Last week I had an interview with a company for a position I wanted. I wasn't really qualified for the position, but I figured why not? After the interview one of the gentlemen told me he would give my resume to another company looking to hire in the same building. A few days later I get contacted from the company they person gave my resume to, wondering if I could interview. I was ecstatic! I get the the interview place and sit for a few minutes because I was early. After a short period of time a guy I worked with on a previous job walked in...he was one of the people interviewing me (cool, right?) Anyway, after the interview the Project Manager asked to talk with me privately. He asked the typical questions...one in particular was about my salary. I gave him a range and he looked at me and said "I think I can do better." "Awesome",  I said out loud. Long story short, I got an offer from his company and accepted it.

The reason I was looking for a new position was because my previous jobs contract had ended and I needed work. Cool thing is, I start back to work at the same location I was before. It may have taken a couple of months, but I found a position. Not only a new position, but I found favor and had an increase in salary.

God answers prayers. I've questioned God from time to time, asking "when God? When are you going to answer?" and you know, that is not the thing to do. Praise Him in the storm; that's what I should have been doing. Trust in Him no matter what. 

I do know that through this storm that God was working some things out of me. He was making me a stronger person. 

Thank You, God for everything in my life. Thank You for blessing me and for favor in my life. Thank You for my future wife, Lord. I don't know where she is right now or if I've even met her, but thank You for her. Thank You for making me the man she deserves and continuing to mold me into a man of valor. Father, right now I pray that You will protect my future wife and her loved ones. Let no harm come to them. Pour out your blessings and favor in her life, Lord. Thank You for setting our paths together for the day we meet. 

Amen

Insecurities

We payed live in church this morning for worship. It's always a privilege to be able to play for the Lord. I pray that we'll get better and better each time we play. It's tough sometimes though. It's only my brother, myself, and another guy playing the bass. Drums and keys would be a great addition, but unfortunately we have a small congregation at the present. There's so much that I would love to play in a way that would lead people into an atmosphere of worship. Soon...we'll get there soon.

Have you ever asked God "What is my purpose in life?" or better yet, "What is Your will for my life?" I know I have. More times than I can count. Ever seem as if you never hear back? Again, I know I have felt that way from time to time. If we only knew the true purpose that God has for us...Sometimes I think the purpose would be so grand that we couldn't comprehend or fathom its nature. I want to be in the center of the plan that God has for my life. I want to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am where God wants me. Am I there yet? No, I don't believe so, but I will get there soon, I know it.

More so now, I beat myself up over things I shouldn't. I tell myself:

I'm not good enough.

I'm not smart enough.

I'm ugly.

There's no way they would like me.

There's nothing special about me.

I'm too short -women don't like short guys. (this is a BIG one for me)

Each one of those is very justifiable as to why I tell myself those things. Take the first one for example. It always seems as if I am always skipped over in everything I try to do. Does it mean that I'm not good enough? Of course not, but as many times as it has happened to me I've began to think that.

Second one. Same thing. There always seems to be someone better that is chosen over me.

Third one. Let's see, I haven't dated in almost 4 years. Every relationship I've tried to get in ends in betrayal or just being played. I seem to be "that" nice guy but I'm never relationship material. I just really feel like I am never really noticed by women.

You get the point...just some things that I need to work on.   

So yeah, this post was a little different...more about me, but I haven't forgotten about you.

Lord, I pray right now if my future wife is struggling with any insecurities that you begin to speak to her and let her know just how special she is. Revel to her that she doesn't need those insecurities in her life. She is a queen. An heir to the throne.  A daughter of the most high God. Begin to work any insecurities that she may have out of her life as You are mine.  I also pray that You will show her the will You have for her life so that she may walk in her God called destiny. Bless her, Lord. Continue to pour out Your favor in her life. Also, protect her where ever she is and where ever she goes. Protect her family and her loved ones. Just be with her always. Let her know that You are with her and watching over her. Amen