PE teacher today

Today was good day; I was able to be a substitute teacher for a local school. It was my first time ever subbing for a PE teacher. All in all it wasn't a bad experience at all. I got the call on the night before and was hesitant on accepting it the offer because I work another job that starts at 6pm on Friday night and goes to 6 a.m. on Saturday. I usually try to sleep for the most part of day on Friday because I go in to work for a 12 hour shift, so working as a Substitute from 7:15 until 12:30 is rough. Getting up at 5 a.m. working until 12:30 and then coming home to trying and get a few hours sleep seemed rather...hard...but here I am.

Aside from the super long day that I'm still working on, it was fun. Things have changed from when I was a kid though. Some of the things that go on, I as a kid would have never done and nor did the kids I went to school with. At one point during the day -lunch time actually, this kid came up to me while I was on lunch duty, give me a hug and said he liked me as his substitute. It's the little things like that make your day. I was surprised at how many students remembered my name. Giving more thought to it, I really need to get back on the study wagon and study for my tests to become a teacher.

Future wife...

The a few days ago I kept waking up throughout night. I wasn't sure exactly what it was; I shrugged it off as not being able to sleep. After about 4th time I knew it was something; I could feel it. It was just one of those deep down gut feelings. I didn't know what to pray. I just knew that I needed to pray for you. I know God was speaking to you that night and I pray that you heard...

That's my biggest pray. Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear. Speak to me; be that voice that guides me. Give me eyes to see so that I will be able to react faster. 

I pray that God is #1 in your life. Keep Him the center and you'll never go wrong. I pray protection over you and your family so that nothing ill will come against you. Just know that I am praying for you every step you take. I hope you feel God's presence around you at all times.

After a short hiatus

It's been awhile since my last post...


I've actually been thinking about going on hiatus from all of this. The thought of "What's the point?" continues to plague my thought process. It's not the right attitude to have and I understand that. It's just been hard that past couple of months.


Have you ever wished you knew God's complete plan and purpose for your life? Who you're going to be with, where you're going to live, what kind of job you're going to have? Would we even be able to handle or comprehend what that plan is? In all reality, most likely not, but it would still be nice to know.


Being single sucks. When everyone around you is already in or is getting in a relationship or  getting married...you seen them and how happy they...it kind of makes you feel like the odd person out.


I guess this is all coming from an inexperienced dater (if that's even a word). I have no clue where to meet people. I don't work in a building with an abundance of single woman (if any at all). Males out umber females 10:1, so meeting people in the work place is ruled out. There are no single women in my church, so that 's out. My friend circle is really small so meeting someone though friends is out of the question. Point in short is, it's very hard for me to meet single women. I'm not the type of guy to really try online dating  because I think it's a sham; a complete and utter waste of time.


I also suppose I sell myself short a lot of the time...
I feel that I have nothing to offer or that I'm always overlooked; overshadowed.  I've been blown off more times that I can count for "being too short." I'm always the nice guy but never boyfriend material. I can't help that I'm short; I can't change it. There is nothing that I can physical do that will make to grow taller other than praying to God an believe for a miracle that He will cause my genes alter themselves thus allowing me to grow taller.


They say that you have to love yourself before you can love another person. If that's the case then so be it. I absolutely hate myself for being short. I hate that I am always overlooked for something I have no control over or can change. Of course, being short does have it's advantages, however most women don't want to be with a guy under 6'.


There's some woman out there for me...just haven't found her yet.


   

Early morning

So it’s currently 1:30 a.m. in the morning and I’m about 7 ½ hours into this 12 hour shift. I’ve read google, yahoo, and msn news so many times that I could probably tell you everything that has happened over the past week. I did turn on the TV for some background noise and to help keep me awake (really not sure if it’s working…) I’ll tell you one thing though, if you work this shift all the time then my hat is off to you. Time would go by so much faster if there were another person here. At least then I would have some sort of interaction with a human being.

Every now and then I’ll get up and walk down the hall to stretch my legs. To do so I have to walk through another room to get to the hallway. Both of these rooms, the one I am in and the one I have to walk through are motioned censored. Not sure how I do it, but occasionally I can ghost through both rooms down and back without the lights coming on. I suppose it’s just another one of my mad skills. 

Dreams are weird

Aren’t dreams amazing? The past week I’ve had a dream every night. REM sleep is simply awesome! Though I never completely remember them, they’ve been weird. Take this one I had last night for example. I dreamt my car was a Transformer (crazy right?) The night before that I had a dream I noticed this beautiful girl almost everywhere I went. She would always seem to be at the same exact place as me at the same exact time. I tried everything to get her to notice me. Eventually I walked up to her and attempted to have a conversation. No matter how I approached her she never acknowledged my presence. Nice dreams, right? Weird thing is, that’s how I basically feel. I’m never noticed. I’m always friend material and never boyfriend material…such is life.

Then you get the people who tell you your dreams mean something and try to interpret them…yea, I’m not really a believer in that voodoo.

I did some thinking this past week –not really anything heavy, just pondering “Where do singles meet?” Like where would a single guy go to meet a single girl? People tell me all the time you can meet anywhere. Yeah, whatever…that’s basically a cop out answer. No single girls go to my church. If they do, they’re way older. No singles girls work where I work. Again, I work with mostly males and if there are any singles girls, they don’t work in the section I work in and I never meet them. I also live in a very small town where the population is much older than me. The nearest big cities are roughly 50 minutes away from me in every direction. With all of that, it makes it very hard to meet anyone. Plus, I’m not going to be one of those dudes who goes up to a random girl and asks her out...I just seems creepy to me.

That brings me to online dating. To me, it’s nothing but a joke. The site founders have no interest but to make money, loading the site with multiple fake profiles and matches that a far from what you’re looking for. Speaking from experience, I’ve tried it and it was nothing but depressing. #singlelife

Christian Mingle, POF, Match, eHarmony…you name it, I’ve tried and have had zero success.

“Get out more,” people tell me. And do what? I’m not going to a bar to meet someone, no thank you very much.

I suppose that I am just going to have to trust God on this situation. I wasn’t blessed to be a part of the 6 foot tall family. The simple fact is women don’t like short guys, and I’m a short guy. I’m rejected on something I have no control over. Does it hurt? Yes. Especially when you’re told it to your face. I’m thankful for the candor, but it still stings a little. Though I am pretty much numb to it now. It’s routine for me to be told that.

Still though, I will trust God. I know there’s a girl out there for me. I know she’ll be straight from God.

Lord I pray that You are preparing me to meet my future wife. I pray that You are preparing her to meet me. Lord, if there is anything in my heart that is not pure, I ask that you will cleanse me and make me white as snow. I want to me the man my future wife deserves. A God fearing man that will put You first, his family second, and this friends third. A man that will stand by his wife through good times and bad, because I know that with You by our side we will not fall. In the meantime, continue to bless protect my future wife. I speak wholeness and wellness over her. I speak blessings and favor over her. May she be the woman You’ve called her to be.

Early morning draft

So my brother bought me a new laptop the other day. My current one is a Sony Vaio that is going on 7 years old. It’s been through it all and shows. It’s what I like to call a “Frankenwire” computer. A few years ago the AC power onboard unit had broken. A wire had ended up being broken somehow. Spliced wires, some solder, liquid tape and hot glue later it was fixed…with about three inches of excess wire hanging from the side of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great laptop. It got me though my College years after all, but it’s really time to lay it to rest. Maybe I’ll use it for a print server or something….

Hashtag “blessed”

This past weekend has been super long. I’ve basically had zero time to myself or to remotely do anything productive. Luckily for me I finish up my schedule Monday morning (insert happy face.)    

I’ve always heard that how you dress is an expression of how you feel about yourself. Not sure if that is true or not. I love dressing up. Putting on a pair of slacks, a nice button up shirt and tie…but it is really limited where I am from. Pretty sure if I were to do that around where I live I would get some weird looks. Of course, on special occasions it’s perfectly acceptable.  I am more of a dress to be comfortable kind of person. I enjoy a comfortable pair of pants and a tee shirt.

I suppose the dressing up part goes along with the idea of being a modern day gentlemen. I remember back when I was dating this girl and we had an evening planned where we’d both dress up and do something out of the norm. Something like going to a play or show and dine at a more than casual restaurant. That of course never happened because we broke up soon after, however the plan and idea was still there…

Seeing men, husbands, boyfriends mistreat their wife or girlfriend strikes a nerve with me. No one should mistreat their wife or girlfriend. She’s a queen and you’re supposed to protect her and see that no harm should come to her. That’s where this day in age comes in. I feel as if some males today have lost touch with the gentlemen of the past.

Lord I pray right now that you will continue to correct me and guide me in the right direction to stay and be a true gentlemen.

Thinking back to when I was a kid, being a man meant being strong and not showing weakness. Being vulnerable meant being weak. Even to this day I still feel the effects of thinking that way. After a rough breakup I didn’t want to show weakness or physically show that I was vulnerable even though it was killing me inside. It was easily one of the worst times of my life. So much emotion inside, unanswered questions, confusion…it was hard, but with the grace of God, I got through it.  

Lord, be with me. Continue to form me and correct me to make me into the man my future wife needs. I pray that I will continue to listen and hear your voice guiding me on the right path. 

Weekend warrior

Last night was night my first time working/having the schedule 6pm to 6am. That continues through Monday morning. In a way it is kind of nice because you get a long break throughout the week, but yet they are super long days/nights.  I’m believe in Psalms 104:23 “a man goes to work in the morning and comes home in the evening.” I’m praying for steady day shift work.

Some perks to working 3 twelve hour weekend shifts at night:

·         It’s very quiet! Seriously. You ever heard the phrase “you could hear a pin drop?”

·         You could technically go to school if you wanted too and finish a degree.

·         Studying for certifications is a good way to pass the time.

·         It’s much, much slower than during weekdays.

·         updating your blog while on break.

Working in my field in addition to working through the weekend makes it hard to meet people. Not sure if it’s statically backed, but I would have to say that my field is predominantly male. Sure, I see females throughout the building, however they work in a different section. I see a lot more people during the day…

All negativity aside, I am thankful for a job and I am able to work.

Like I said, I’m standing on Psalms 104:23 and you all be in agreement with me J

I see so many happy couples…TV, Facebook, out in public and I think to myself “Why can’t I have that?” Am I really that unattractive that I am unapproachable? The enemy likes to play head games with me and I’ve let him beat me up for the longest time. “You’re not good enough”, “you’re not attractive enough,” “you’re not tall enough,” and I’ve believed it. Nothing but lies from the pits of hell and I’ve let those thoughts take root, so pray for me in that area, ‘cause I sure need it.

Lord I pray for my future wife and her thoughts. I pray that those negative thoughts –those lies, which the enemy tries to tell her do not take root. Give her a good weekend…and if she’s a weekend warrior like myself, then bless her. She’s a special lady, Lord. Continue to be with her every step of the way. Renew her mind. Heal any afflictions she may have. I pray good health over her. Pray blessings and prosperity over her. Be with her family too. Protect them all in Jesus name.

Amen.

New job. New start

Well, I got a new job. I'm still studying for the previous tests I've been studying for just doing both for the time being. I wont lie, this job was a blessing. It came at a point where I was about to give up. Cool thing about it is I'm working with some people I know. Honestly, I am very thankful that I was hired to do what I do; I cant thank the company nearly enough for giving me the opportunity to work for them.


Lord, thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for all that You are doing in my life and all that You will do. Thank You for Your unfailing love when I mess up. Lord, I pray that my future wife is listening to Your voice. Thank You for her life and the impact she has on others. I pray she draws near to You in all she does.